While long-distance relationships are notoriously tricky, the rules of play are, at least, fairly clear: check in daily. Reunite regularly. Have a plan for when the two of you will live together in one place. When it comes to friendship, no such codes of conduct exist. In our age of remote work and frequent flying, it’s not uncommon to have friends in far places. So, how exactly are we supposed to keep the flame alive?

In an ideal world, we’d live in walking distance of our favourite people, congregating daily in a Central Perk-style location. In reality, differing financial brackets and lifestyle choices leave friendships scattered across time zones. By the time I was 32, I’d lived in four major global cities. I’d made meaningful connections in each; the kind I refused to let fizzle out over a series of unanswered texts. As an only child, I see my friends as family and prioritise them accordingly – even if it means going to lengths usually reserved for next of kin.

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milan, italy january 15 l r tamara kalinic wears golden fendi hair pins brooch, golden long earrings, a golden necklace, a white short mini dress with black printed crossing curved lines, a brown and khaki cropped jacket from fendi with printed wavy monograms logo and a hood, a brown leather fendi mini bag, a golden shiny fendi bag caroline daur wears white sunglasses, a golden necklace, a gray top, a gray long double breasted trench coat closed with a fendi golden logo buckle belt, a black leather bag, outside the fendi fashion show during the milan mens fashion week fallwinter 20222023 on january 15, 2022 in milan, italy photo by edward berthelotgetty images
Edward Berthelot

For a long time, I travelled on a loop between London (where I grew up), New York and Los Angeles (I moved to the US in my early twenties) to see my beloved friends, tacking personal trips on to work commitments wherever possible. If this sounds expensive and slightly ludicrous, it was. It helped that many of my friends lived similarly peripatetic lives, so we often found ourselves together in random cities. For a brief, fabulous time, this happened so much that we called ourselves the ‘International Girl Crew’ – with tongue firmly in cheek – and got matching gold number-plate necklaces to mark our bond.

Having recently had a child, jumping on a plane to hang out with pals is no longer an option. These days, I rely on the tools of our hyper-connected age. The other day, I woke up with a visceral recollection of a golden morning spent in a long-lost friend’s Californian home, almost a decade ago. I immediately sent her a long voice note, recounting the memory. A few hours later – clearly touched – she sent one back, and so our connection was reignited. I’m also a fan of unscheduled phone calls or texting photos of shared references sans caption (they’ll get it anyway and smile).

In an ideal world, we’d live in walking distance of our favourite people, congregating daily in a Central Perk-style location

With that said, texts and DMs are no substitute for real life. I prefer to go ‘low contact’ with friends for months if it means we can have a proper, IRL catch-up when-ever life permits. The key is knowing your friend’s communicative ‘love language’ to ensure they won’t feel slighted (and checking in more regularly if they might). My oldest and dearest friend in the world lives just a few miles away, but I see her five times a year at best. When we do meet up, time falls away and any emotional distance between us instantly dissolves. True friendships are like that, I’ve found.

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